i need some of that good stuff they call patience..

here comes another one

My friend once told me, jokingly (or i hope it was), that he would never let me marry his future son because I'm too mean. But you know what? Underneath all this cold- heartedness, I'm just a mess of insecurities. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I cry sometimes.. (not that you'll ever see me doing it 8)). And right now, although its totally irrelevant, I really really miss Guai-Guai. I hope he's up there in doggy heaven, basking in paradise, and living the good life. And hopefully, he still thinks of us from time to time. Cuz God knows I think of him all the time.

I guess I always knew, but today it just really got to me.
I am a really shallow, selfish, and judgemental person. I guess I just needed some place to let it out; I don't want anyone trying to reassure me that I'm not, and I don't want any pity or whatever other nonsense. I just want to lay it out- plain and simple. I am a horrible horrible person. I guess I come off as a cold- hearted bitch? But just like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal (LOL, I like to flatter myself by comparing myself to her), I have a heart of gold!! LOL But yeah, I get really sad when I realize that people don't like me because I'm a bitch. But the thing is I don't want to put up a front..I don't want to be fake.. How do I find the middle ground?